I am allegedly one year older now

26 reflections for year 26

I completed another revolution around the sun earlier this month. 26 revolutions to be exact.

It’s a strange feeling—

I feel love and loss.

I feel pure joy and despair.

I feel hope and uncertainty.

I feel freedom and constraint.

I feel both connected and disconnected.

Birthdays are generally marked by celebrating the passage of time and the simple existence of self. But I also find them to be a reminder of what we are shedding and letting go of. The person I was just a few months ago is now starting to feel like a distant memory, fading into the past. At times, it feels I am climbing out of the very boxes I chose to put myself in. A birth and death of myself…occurring at the same time. It’s interesting how such experiences can co-exist.

Some days though, I still feel like the little girl starting fourth grade in a new town getting excited for the first day of school, organizing her school supplies and arranging them in perfect order the night before… while also wishing she were an adult already. I shared a similar sentiment a few weeks ago in ‘The best thing about getting older…’, how growing up I envisioned year 25 would be some sort of magical threshold where I would be the most fearless version of myself and look my best. Spoiler: it is not. Well maybe the looks part could be true but what do I know ;)

I recall last year, as I was approaching my birthday, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of impending doom at the thought of getting older. How silly to feel old at 25. That familiar anxiety fueled by societal pressures of who I should be started to creep in. But over the past year, my perspective on aging has evolved and I find comfort in knowing I will continue to evolve and encounter new versions of myself and experiences as I age because every new version of myself I meet is more expansive, more loving, and more truthful.

There are so many things I want to learn, see, accomplish, but right now I’m enjoying knowing myself more intimately. Most of all, I am enjoying feeling human.

a very delicious lemon cake and a very happy girl (me)

If you know me personally, you would know I am someone who would rather not bother with making grand plans to celebrate my birthday. You would also know my friends and family will somehow eventually convince me to pick up the phone and gather my favorite people to celebrate. At least they’ve been able to the last few years.

This year was different. I was set on wanting to have a quiet day to myself. No big party, no balloons (but I still wanted a yummy dinner and fresh flowers for my space. I will always accept those two things). Despite verbalizing that to my close ones, they still managed to surprise me throughout the week with sweet and thoughtful offerings. Balloons included. In those moments, part of me felt silly for feeling reluctant to be the center of attention—a very common emotional experience for many on their birthdays. I feel an immense amount of gratitude for this life and for all the beautiful people both offline and online who make me feel at home and remind me that I am never alone. Your generous words and glittery wishes are received with open arms and a luminous heart.

Love is all around

It’s difficult to reflect on 26 years of living in a few words or paragraphs; so in the spirit of beginning a new chapter, I’ve compiled a list of 26 reflections gathered from rereading pages in my past journals, my notes app and scrolling through my camera roll. A fun little activity I recommend for anyone, regardless if you’re beginning a new chapter—you’ll be amazed at much you already understand and have experienced.

1.

Love isn’t always loud. Sometimes, the quietest form of love is simply being there listening, enjoying a simple moment together like watching a sunset or taking a leisurely walk. Sometimes we forget that it’s in the most mundane fragments of life in which love and intimacy can be found.

If you love anything related to love, you may enjoy reading The Issue With Love by

Solitary Daughter

. It features contributions from a diverse group of writers who were given a simple prompt: “love, whatever that may mean to you.”

2.

Convenience is destroying us and our sense of community… a double-edged sword. Beneficial in many ways and detrimental. I mourn the loss of old world knowledge, the skills, and wisdom meant to be passed down through generations. Can we please bring back learning from physical media shared by loved ones, conversing with our neighbors, rediscovering the joy of crafting things by hand, and asking for favors! Let me cook for you. Let me pick you up from the airport.

3.

Living a life of joy and fulfillment requires the courage to break free from fear-based agreements (often rooted in societal norms/expectations). No one needs to approve of your dreams. I’m still learning this.

4.

There is more pleasure that can be found in creating than the end result. The process of creating is the purpose!!!

Last summer after I had finally completed a paint-by-number depicting a full moon (which I had begun almost 8 months prior and was putting off), my dad took notice of my nightly ritual after work—methodically filling tiny sections of the canvas each day. Concerned I was straining my eyes and perhaps hinting I could be engaging in something more productive, he half-jokingly asked ‘what is the purpose of spending hours on this?’ His question lingered in my mind as I continued to paint because honestly I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the painting once it was done and perhaps deep down knew that it was just going to end up rolled up in my closet later. However, I thought to myself, simply put, I was having fun. It was a form of meditation that allowed me to feel relaxed and present. That was the purpose.

5.

Hugs are healing. No explanation needed.

6.

The older we get, the more important play becomes. Let yourself be bored. It is in those moments of idleness that creativity sparks and our minds can wander freely. Boredom is an invitation to engage in playfulness. It builds up desire for meaningful engagement with the world.

“The happiest moments in our lives are when we are playing just like children, when we are singing and dancing, when we are exploring and creating just for fun. It is wonderful when we behave like a child because this is the normal human mind, the normal human tendency.”—Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship

7.

Nature holds a plethora of wisdom. Throughout history, our ancestors have observed the natural world to discover meaning and guidance. I find the cyclical nature of our world (lunar cycle, four seasons, menstrual cycle, circadian rhythm, life cycle, etc) so fascinating and a beautiful reminder of every seasons uniqueness. If nature, sustainability, indigenous wisdom, and discovering the interconnectedness of all things are topics of interest to you, Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer has been one of my favorite books in the last year and is worth the read.

8.

Everything passes, even in those moments you feel endlessly stuck. There’s comfort in knowing endings are followed by new beginnings. Sunsets are as beautiful as sunrises.

9.

Sensitivity is a gift. Sensitivity is humanity.

10.

There is a weird obsession with romantic love in the West. It’s unrealistic for just one individual to fulfill our needs. The fixation on romantic relationships at the expense of other connections or the prioritization on nuclear families often lead to placing platonic connections to the bottom. As a certified lover girl myself, I belief romantic love can undoubtedly bring joy and fulfillment, but it’s also important to recognize that there are many forms of love and meaningful relationships that equally contribute to a rich life. Sharing an excerpt below I haven’t stopped thinking about:

“We are not friends with our friends because we’re lonely. We are not friends with our friends because we need a void to be filled. We are not friends with our friends because we miss — scratch that —need the presence of a man to feel whole. We are friends with our friends because we love them, cherish them, hold them and consider them with every fibre of our being. We are friends with our friends because simply, we love them.” —

Nivita Sriram

, On The Tender Power Behind Female Friendships as part of

Tahmina Begum

’s Guest Writer Series for

The Aram by Tahmina Begum

12.

Mornings are for slow moments (a privilege I recognize). There is a unique energy in the early hours when the world is still waking up. In those moments of slowness, we can notice the sweetness and beauty in small details and create space to listen to our inner psyches.

13.

Expanding on number 4 (I don’t feel like reordering sorry haha), not everything you create or share with the world will be your “best” work and nor does it need to be. It is OKAY! For years my inner critic discouraged me from sharing my art on the internet and I’ve learned to let the process of creation unfold naturally by removing the pressure to make it my “best” and by simply showing up. You will only continue to dislike your craft until you love what it brings you.

14.

Let anger reveal what it needs to reveal and let it pass; there is almost always something that lies beneath it. I recently learned that the Latin word emovere, which is the root of the word "emotion", means to "move out, remove, agitate” and it just makes so much sense now. Feelings and emotions aren’t inherently good or bad, I think they just remind us that we’re human.

15.

Beauty has been on my mind lately. I cringe when I think of the times in the past when I looked at a particular part of my body like my nose or my chin and thought to myself that if I could, I would change it. It feels so shallow to think of beauty in that way now because I can’t help but think of my nani’s (grandmother) skin when I massage my hands or think of my dad when I look at my eyes, or think of my mom when I see a picture of my side profile. Our bodies are sacred gifts that have been given to us and deserve to be honored.

16.

A little bit of sunshine can do wonders. Let it caress you. Touch some grass while you’re at it. It’s free medicine.

17.

Some of the most beautiful things in our life exist beyond the reach of our eyes. Knowledge, love, ideas, a melody that can instantly evoke a memory, the mysteries of the cosmos that sustain life and guide us.

18.

No is a complete sentence.

19.

When ‘Kho Gaye Hum Kahan’ was released just days before NYE (talk about perfect synchronicity), I didn’t expect it to affect me so deeply. I say I don’t have favorite movies (mostly because I feel I don’t watch as many) but this has to be one of my favorite movies I’ve seen. It’s filled with beautiful musings on connection and intimacy in today’s digital world that are just so relatable.

One of the main ideas in the film is that not everything we see on social media is reality. What is shared online are only the things that can be captured (sometimes even staged) and many times the highlights we see portrayed on social media are actually not highlights at all. Sometimes our most meaningful highlights are moments that cannot be captured—like the feeling of safety when a close friend offers support, the comfort found in a hug from a loved one, or the peace that settles over you as take the first sip of coffee.

20.

Calm and discomfort can co-exist. Discomfort compels us to pause and evaluate. When we flow with the circumstances, we allow ourselves to embrace the full spectrum of experiences.

As I type this, I am reminded by a quote I jotted down in my commonplace book on March 13, 2024:

“Plants have no choice oftentimes in where they land, and yet wherever they land they are going to thrive and grow the best that they can.” — Rosemary Gladstar on Thriving Where Planted

21.

Career ≠ passion. It is ideal for our work to align with what we love but we can also enjoy our career without it being our passion. Humans are multi-dimensional beings; our identities and sources of fulfillment are not meant to be confined to just one aspect of our lives.

22.

Be like water. Flow. Cleanse. Cry.

This meditation by photographer and filmmaker Denise Ariana Pérez serves as a beautiful reminder of our similarities to the rhythm of water and our innate connection.

23.

2023 was the year I got the persistent “Not enough storage. This iPhone cannot be backed up because there is not enough iCloud storage available. You can manage your storage in Settings” notification every month and I ignored it every time lol. It was the year I was taking at least a photo a day and actually saving the images, including the ones I was almost sure I would not need to refer to one day.

Searching for something to capture in the every-day of life (especially for someone who spends a lot of time at her desk) was often challenging, and other days, not so much. What I learned through this practice was the joy of taking pictures is learning to notice. When you intentionally look for beauty, you begin to find it everywhere.

24.

A more recent sentiment that has been on my mind lately, which I’ve also shared in my last Left on Read letter: strangers can be cool. Sure, it takes a certain blend of courage and openness to break the ice, but in doing so, there’s a chance for something magical. We often forget that, many of those closest to us were once strangers too.

25.

Feed or be fed. When we think of food, we often refer to sustenance—what we eat. Our minds immediately conjure images of nourishment for the body, but food is more than just the nutrients we inhale. It extends to the media we consume, the words we read, the dialogue we engage in, and the thoughts we allow to root in our minds. What we choose to feed our minds is just as important as what we feed our bodies.

26.

Perhaps one of the most powerful questions I’ve learned to ask myself more often is how can I make the best of where I am? Because no one knows you better than yourself.

important reminder

As I conclude this collection of reflections, I am reminded of how every person and experience I have encountered has taught me something valuable or revealed new perspectives—even if I didn’t notice in the moment. My hope is that some of these resonated with you, served as gentle reminders to what you may have needed to hear, or simply offered a moment of reflection.

May we all continue to find meaning in our connectedness,

Amrita

⋆˚｡⋆｡°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.˚⋆˚✿˖°

In case you missed it:

• I share a weekly-ish ok tbh these have not been weekly at all BUT if you’re looking for more media curations and thoughtful reflections, Left on Read might be it!

• Notes on entering a season of ease and pleasure (summer isn’t over!)

And, if you know anyone who would enjoy this post, you could always send it their way :)

Ok that’s it for now! Love you, bye.