Connection Is A Dual Exploration

i see you, you see me

A distant memory from many years ago resurfaced recently. While scolding me once, my father paused and with a stern tone, instructed me to not look him in the eyes. I was to cast my gaze downward, striking a balance where I appeared attentive to his words without looking disengaged.

This perplexed me. In school, we were taught about the significance of maintaining eye contact, emphasizing its role in effective communication. However, within the confines of our home, I was instructed that, in certain situations, it was deemed inappropriate to meet the gaze of elders.

In that moment, I came to realize that the act of avoiding eye contact went beyond a mere cultural norm; it held something deeper. My father wasn’t evading our eyes meeting; he was evading a confrontation with himself.

We desire to be seen, but run from being seen.

We obviously moved past that interaction. At this point, the details of the quarrel have faded (and we laugh about it now)... the point being, he recoiled away from the opportunity to connect, to heal, to be heard, to understand and be understood. Masked in anger, this avoidance hindered an opportunity for a meaningful dialogue. Perhaps, maintaining eye contact could have forged a bridge of understanding between us—him understanding me, and me understanding him.

When we open ourselves to each other, even our most unappealing parts can radiate a certain beauty.

I understand the hesitation though. The vulnerability of shared openness also means running the risk to be abandoned, to be disliked. Thus, our instinct urges us to retreat. I too am guilty of avoiding eye contact, from avoiding exposing myself, from concealing my true thoughts and feelings.

This leads me to wonder, what instruments do I use to nurture connections?

Over the course of this year, I learned I find joy in documenting candid moments of people immersed in the simple beauty of their existence (yes, I am that friend). Going back to my earlier reflection about the yearning to be witnessed, in those in those moments of a simple click, it is my way of communicating to a loved one that I see you.

In a way, through this,

I see and meet parts of myself too.

What tools do you use to connect with others?